Soul Stirrings…

Each day we are faced with choices that bear upon our lives. Some choices are trivial; they are almost inconsequential. Some daily choices seem insignificant, but after a while they snowball to significance. But there are also choices we need to make in critical situations that determine the entire course of our lives.

Such is this moment.

No I’m not talking about literally cleaning my room of dustmites, although it definitely needs a major overhaul. But I finally decided to take the skeletons out of my closet. It’s now time to “clean room”, and face the ghosts of my past.

            I want to get rid of all the negative energies in my psyche. I’m afraid that all my anger and bitterness have imbedded itself deep in my system; it has become a defense mechanism of some sort, to shield me from further pain. I have put this off for a very long time. I know now that had I done this sooner, I would have saved myself from years of misery.

            I have thought about this long and hard. I want to do this ‘cause not only will I have peace of mind but I will also finally have myself back, more importantly, my self-esteem. I thought that with all the things I went through, I would have learned not to let anyone take advantage of me again. I hated him for breaking my spirit. But I guess I hated myself more for letting him do it. And I have just begun, painstakingly, putting back all the pieces.

            I never thought I would be able to say this but: I forgive him, for in forgiving him I’m also forgiving myself. I’m now letting go of all the years of hatred. I’m now opening myself up to people and to experiences. I don’t want to hide any longer. I’m taking my life back. He doesn’t have the power over me anymore.

I’m now ready to face the world and scream at the top of my lungs:

“Woman, you are free at last!”